Pokemon Mansion (Pt 1)
by Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor
Summary: The cast of Pokemon are put in one of the funniest games ever created by Lucasarts-Maniac Mansion!! See talking tentacles, a mad Dr. Oak & more senseless violence at Wufei (Crowd cheers!)
1. Chapter 1 (What the Hell?)

Pokemon Mansion

By: Kairi Taylor

Disclaimer: The characters are copyright of the following companies-

Ash, Jessie, James, Misty, Brock, etc-Nintendo/Game Freak

The Green & Purple Tentacle- Lucasarts Ent. (By the way George, THANKS FOR THE UNIVERSAL TUMOR THAT IS JAR JAR F***ING BINKS!!!)

Author's note: Does anyone remember this game? It was totally fun & I'm surprised it didn't get enough recognition (well, that & it's sequel, Day of The Tentacle.) Well, here's an odd combination-let's see what will happen…

(Int, Kairi's office in the Fanfic Writer's Guild. Kairi is talking with the Green & Purple Tentacle.)

Kairi: Hey dudes, what's up?

Green: We need to ask you a favor!

Purple: A big one.

Green: We want to be in a fanfic!

Kairi: Ok, but why?

Purple: I haven't seen work since that stint I did in 'Zombies Ate My Neighbors' Ever since then, nothing but that Star Wars franchise. I couldn't even get work in 'Grim Fandango'!

Green: I've just been hanging out in the nightclubs of Tattoine...sheesh, what a bunch of tuna heads.

Kairi: Well, let me think…(At this point, Misty & Jessie comes in the office.)

Misty: Hey, Kairi, did you think of…(Sees Tentacles.) AHHH!!!!

Jessie: What in the world are you…OH GOD NO!!! (Both dive behind Kairi's desk.)

Purple: What the hell was that all about?

Kairi: Oh you know, they being involved in anime & you guys being giant tentacles. It's ok girls; they are not those kinda tentacles.

Jessie: Really?

Kairi: Yeah, trust me.

Misty: OK.

Kairi: So, you two wanna be in a story, eh? Well let's see…

Jessie: Weren't you in a game once?

Green: Yeah, we were in Maniac Mansion!

Purple: But we've been kinda shafted lately.

Misty: What kind of game was it?

Jessie: Those old point & click adventures that PC's used to have. Nowadays, all people wanna do is shoot anything that moves.

Kairi: Aha, I've got it!!

AND NOW THE CAST OF POKEMON MANSION:

Dave's part (main hero): Misty

Razor: Jessie

Michael: Tracy

Dude in Distress: Ash

Ash: Hey, why am I the one in distress?

Kairi: Because I said so. Besides if you don't do it, I'll have to get Wufei.

Wufei: INJUSTICE!! I will not allow myself to…

(Kairi strikes down Wufei with the St. Akane Holy Mallet Of Divine Violence.)

Kairi: SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DAMN JUSTICE!!! Now where was I…

Dr. Fred: Professor Oak

Nurse Edna: Nurse Joy

Weird Ed: James

Dead Cousin Ted: Gary

Green Tentacle: Himself

Purple Tentacle: Ditto

MAKING SMALLER APPEARENCES-

Pikachu: Spokesmouse for the '3 Guys Who'll Publish Anything' Company

Mihoshi: Space Police

LeChuck: Mailman (Yes I know, there was no actual mailman in the original. But YOU try telling a dead pirate he can't be in the story, especially when it's this guy

(Outside the mansion. Misty, Jessie & Tracy are at the road nearby the mansion.)

Jessie: This place gives me the creeps.

Tracy: Why are we here again?

Misty: Because Dr. Oak has kidnapped Ash & one way or another, we're getting him back.

Jessie: Oh, I didn't know he meant that much to you.

Misty: Are you kidding? That dumb bastard still owes me a bike & he's not gonna weasel his way outta this! Now remember,this could be dangerous. If anyone wants to back out…

Jessie: Actually, there is one thing.

Misty: Yeah?

Jessie: Why are you still in your Pokemon outfit? (Misty sees that she is still wearing her shorts & tank top.)

Misty: Huh? You mean I'm supposed to wear something else?

Jessie: Yeah. Why do you think I'm dressed as a punk rocker? Because that's what Razor had worn. Well that & it helps to get the male readers in (A lot of hooting & catcalling is heard from offstage, followed quickly by sounds of wood hitting skulls & Kairi screaming 'HENTAI!!"

Misty: I'll be right back. (Misty runs offstage. A few minutes later, she comes back wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans & a varsity jacket.) 

Tracy: So, what do we do first?

Misty: I'll go on ahead to the mansion first, you two wait until I contact you on the walkie talkies.

Jessie: No problem.

(Misty goes to the porch & tries opening the door.)

Misty: Damn, figures they would leave it unlocked. But where would I find an extra key?

(Looking down, Misty notices the "Get Lost" mat on the floor. Looking underneath, she finds a spare key.)

Misty: Eh, it figures. (Unlocking the door she goes inside the house to the lobby.)

Jessie (on W.T.): Hey, what's the status?

Misty: I'm in the front lobby. I'll see if there are any clues nearby. I left the door open so you can come in now.

Jessie: Right!

Misty: That looks like the living room over thete.

(Cut to Jessie & Tracy.)

Jessie: I'll go in while you stay outside & look for clues.

Tracy: Piece of cake. (As Jessie heads into the mansion, Tracy notices a bush near the house.) Maybe there's something there.

(Pushing the foliage aside, Tracy discovers a grate. Pulling at it, he finds that it is rusted shut.)

Tracy: Damn. If only I was a little stronger.

(Cut to Jessie in the kitchen. She has picked up a sponge from the sink & is looking in the fridge.)

Jessie: Hmm, let's see what we got here. These look tasty. (Jessie takes out a Pepsi & some fruit juice.) I'll save these for later. (Heads into the dining room.)

(CUT SCENE TIME!! Ash is handcuffed to a chair in Dr. Oak's lab as Dr. Oak stands at a console.)

Dr. Oak: Heh heh heh!! It is almost done! Soon, my dear boy, my plan to help the meteor take over the world will begin. In a few hours, my machine will be ready & all it will cost you is your brain.

Ash: Um, Dr. Oak?

Dr. Oak: Yes?

Ash: I don't get it. Why my brain? How about somebody that you can use, like Bill Gates?

Dr. Oak: Well, it's because he's not human. He's another alien.

Ash: NANI?! 

Dr. Oak: Believe me, I tried to get his brain. But the damn thing will only take human brains. That & he was also trying to take over the world. So I had to make a few calls to Washington to get the competition out of the way.

Ash: OK…

Dr. Oak: I mean it's pretty obvious he's not human!No nerd with the fashion sense of a squid could possibly be human.

Ash: Good point.

Dr. Oak: But enough of that! Time to finish my work! (Goes into interior of lab.

Ash: I hope Misty gets here soon.

(That's it for pt 1. What odd things will the gang find in Dr. Oak's mansion? Who will aid them in their quest? And will somebody tell Wufei to please shut up about that whole Justice thing?)

Wufei: You call those three heroes? Ha! That pathetic excuse of a Brock-wannabe & those two weak onnas couldn't accomplish half of what I could have done in that mansion in—

(Misty & Jessie hit Wufei with their own St. Akane Holy Mallets of Divine Violence.)

Misty: Will you kindly…

Jessie: SHUT YOUR @#$%ING MOUTH?)

(Er, stay tuned for part 2…^^')


	2. But What About Tracey?

Disclaimer: No. Pokemon is not mine. It's licensed by Nintendo & Game Freak.

Pokemon Mansion pt 2:

But What About Tracey?

By Kairi Taylor

(Yes, I know, I need to write more often, I GET IT!!!! Anyway, when we last left our heroes, they just got into the odd mansion of Dr. Oak. So, let us check on their progress as the---)

Wufei: You call that a proper apology? INJUSTICE!!!

Kairi: Do I need to break out my sacred mallet again? (Holds up St. Akane Mallet.)

Wufei: O_O….Carry on

(Anyway, let's check on our heroes.)

Misty: Well, what did you find?

Jessie: A couple of items, like this glass jar? How about you?

Misty: Would you believe I found a cassette tape hidden in the library?

Jessie: Now why would anyone do that?

Misty: Beats me. Well, let's check upstairs.

(Misty & Jessie head up the main stair to three huge doors.)

Misty: Be careful, Dr. Oak could be up here?

Jessie: Hey, look in here. (Jessie points to the room on the right.) Looks like a rec room.)

(Misty & Jessie enter the room to find a TV & piano.)

Jessie: I wonder if Leno's on?

Misty: Blech, I'd rather watch Letterman! At least I can sit through his monologue.

(Jessie turns the TV on. Pikachu appears onscreen in a little suit.)

Pikachu: Pika pika!!! Pika pi-chu!! Pika chu chu pika!!!

(As a benefit for those who are not fluent in the language of Pikachus, and that's all of you, a helpful translation.)

Translator: All you bas----

(Sounds of wood, bones breaking & screams of agony.)

Narrator: We the management wish to inform you that the wise ass translator has just been sacked.  So here is the translation as follows….Why not visit the fiords of Johto this year. You can see all sorts of majestic animals…like the majestic Stanler! A Stantler bit my grandma once. No really it's true!!! She was on her way to….

Author: Ladies & Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the people who have previously sacked the translator has just been sacked. So here is the real translation: Hey, all you aspiring writers & musicans! Need to get your work out there! Send your submissions to 3 Guys Who Publish Anything to get your start in the business! Hey, we published Giovanni's Greatest Hits, didn't we? Send your crap today!!

(Jessie turns off the TV.)

Jessie: And now for something completely different!

Misty: Can you play that?

Jessie: Yeah! Put that tape in the recorder & I'll give you a sample tune.

(Misty puts the tape recorder in & Jessie plays her best piano sole.)

Misty: That rocked!

Jessie: Yes I know.

(Now, because the author is a lazy bastard, we'll cut to the scene where Misty & Jessie encounter---THE GREEN TENTICLE!)

GT: Well, I'm not all that scary now.

Misty: I guess someone has never heard of "La Blue Girl"

Jessie: How did you—

Misty: Brock.

Jessie: Right. Which reminds me. I must go…do something. (Walks off carrying a baseball bat.)

GT: Right. Anyway, until I get some food, I won't let you pass.

Misty: Here. (Hands over a beef sukiyaki platter.)

GT: YUM!!! (Devours beef sukiyaki & guzzles fruit juice.) Ok, you can pass.

Misty: What's up there?

GT: Various rooms & junk.

Misty: Anything impotant?

GT: Maybe. An attic and a telescope I believe.

Misty: And how do you eat? I don't see a mouth.

GT: I just do. Geez, I didn't expect some sort of Spanish Inquisition.

(Jarring chords sound as Duo, Trowa & Quatre come out dressed in red cardinal robes.)

Duo: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISISTION!!!!

Misty: Well, who didn't see this?

(Cut Scene. James is talking with Nurse Joy.)

James: Mom, let's be honest. Dad's been down in the basement for 10 years, he doesn't sleep, he carries bodies around in black bags & he just sits around drawing.

Nurse Joy: So what's wrong with that?

James: I'm starting to believe that dad…in reality…IS A HIPPIE!!!

N. Joy: Oro?

James: So how long have you known?

N. Joy: Geez, I didn't expect a Spanish Inquisition.

(Jarring chords again as Duo & the others appear.)

Trowa: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISISTION!!! Hey this is fun.

Narrator: Will Misty save Ash? Will the nonstop Python jokes stop? Will Tracey be used at all? And where the hell is Jessie?

(Jessie is beating up an hentai doujinshi artist.)

Jessie: I WOULD NEVER ALLOW THAT BASTARF BROCK TO DO THAT TO ME YOU SICK FREAK!!!!

(Uh…just stay tuned. Pretty please?)


End file.
